THE DARKNESS
Quotes from the works of Jhonen Vasquez
I trust that your minds are developed enough to take no offense at these things. If not, well, I'm better than you, aren't I? -Jhonen Vasquez, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac #1
Who would expect words of wisdom to come from a book entitled 'Johnny the Homicidal Maniac'? Vasquez's award-winning work is filled with great lines, and I've probably gotten more quotes from him than from anyone else. His work varies greatly, from heart-rending to hilarious, always with a dark and twisted edge, but reveals a level of genius I haven't seen paralleled. Past the massive amounts of bloodshed and insanity there's a deep understanding of all aspects of humanity. The quotes here are from Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Squee, I Feel Sick, and (while not every episode was written by him) 'Invader Zim'.
Johnny the Homicidal Maniac-#1
1. Your presence tires me. -Squee's Dad
2. Let's go to my room, Shmee. We'll hide under the blankets and maybe fall asleep before we die. -Squee
3. Smile!! Though your life is miserable -poster in Squee's room
4. They aren't bad people. They love me. They don't really mean it when they tell me to get kidnapped. -Squee
5. Where the FUCK is the bactine!! -Nny
6. Nothing quite brings out the zest for life in a person like the thought of their impending death. I see, by the looks of you, that you understand. -Nny
7. Hey, sorry about the window, but I noticed it was locked. I don't suggest you ever lock it again. -Nny
8. Remember, dog, beauty is ephemeral, pain is forever. -Wobbly Headed Bob
9. -Say, I couldn't help but notice your house number. 777? That's funny! isn't that, like, the number for heaven, or something? Heh, heh.
-Does this look like heaven?
-Survey guy and Nny
10. 1. Murder. What's with that?
2. Do you kill people?
3. Pain. Good?
4. Have you ever been murdered?
-survey questions
11. Did the DOG send you?! -Nny
12. I was just drawing a comic; Happy Noodle Boy. It's really popular with the home-less insane. -Nny
13. The violent crimes? All perfectly natural in a society whose advances are limited to its technology. The basic behavior of the modern human is hardly different from that of its primitive ancestors. The only noticeable changes are trends. Whether in a suit, or in a loincloth, people are ignorant little thorns, cutting into one another. They seem incapable of advancing beyond the violent tendencies which, at one time, were necessary for survival. As for protecting the people, well that's a bit of a paradox - at least from what I know. I'm sure that if you searched into the lives of some of these victims, you would find out that they, themselves, were the cause of their very deaths. In those cases, the so-called "victim", at some ealier time, played some part in the creation of their "killer". I believe that the life ended was ended for the fact that it was wasted on something that would never evolve beyond the childish cruelty so many never cast off. -Nny
14. Ooh...any pile of stunted growth unaware that entertainment is just that and nothing more, deserves to doom themselves to some dank cell, somewhere, for having been so stupid!! Movies, books, T.V., music - they're all just enetertainment, not guidebooks for damning yourself! -Nny
15. A lovely day in the city park. Sun shining, the birds singing! They're laughing at me mom!!
16. Cease your flatulent winds and hear my mind-numbing expulsions of wicked noise! Grr!! Cheese!!! -Happy Noodle Boy
17. I have powers pinto beans can only dream of! -Happy Noodle Boy
18. And that is why toaster pastries will burst into flames if you don't keep an eye on them... -Happy Noodle Boy
19. Wacky!? I HATE that word!! Fewer words are as excruciatingly stupid!!! And used in description of me!!! Fook! -Nny
20. Without fail!! Every time I leave my house, it's as if I've given up my right to be left alone, or treated with respect!!! You flies, with your unyielding little minds!!! You think my difference from you is an excuse to "comment" on me, as if I were on display for you!!! Like I'm the way I am because I want the incessant gawking of strangers!! Not only that, but you used the word "Wacky"!! -Nny
21. My eye!! I can't see my eyes!! -random victim
22. If you actually believe your true intelligence is determined by some standardized system, well, then you can't be THAT smart. The ability to quote memorized information is hardly worth such joy. -Wobbly Headed Bob
23. You dare revel in this hideous beast you have spawned, so bloated with countless wicked futures!! Blinded morons, for all you know, this child of yours may be a vessel for Satan!! -Wobbly Headed Bob
24. Break glass in case of overwhelming despair. -on the glass of a gun case
25. Drink blood. Go to hell. Parents concerned about vampirism. -poster
26. Today I stuffed some dolls full of dead rats I put in the blender. I'm wondering if, maybe, there really is something wrong with me. -Nny
27. Utilizes dazzling, stark, black and white technology given to us by the benevolent space creatures. -Ad for a Johnny t-shirt
28. I mean, I still haven't killed anyone. I think I keep from going over that edge by writing about this person who has taken a flying leap over it.
29. Cursed with an abnormally vast perception of this cruel reality. Trudging through levels of intense emotion no small minded creature could withstand!! So it is no surprise that, most of all, there is pain in superiority. I suffer..."sob"...because I am better. -Wobbly Headed Bob
30. I never asked to be this superior being. -Wobbly Headed Bob
31. How I envy those blessed with a stunning ignorance of the truth. "sigh" Oh...to be truly happy! To be an imbecile! -Wobbly Headed Bob
Johnny the Homicidal Maniac-#2
1. People. God knows I love them (Do not fear the sarcasm.)
2. An imposed solitude is better than simply tolerating your company in waiting for something better. So loneliness is not such a terrible thing when you consider that the alternative to thought-provoking solace is to be surrounded only by reminders of why that solitude is preferable. I'd take film and music over the blurry mass of faces I've encountered.
3. I can't claim to be arrogant enough to be certain of any particular perception. After all, reality is what we make it. It's just unfortunate that the general population has made it so unpleasant.
4. How can one possibly respect the existence of something, people in this case, when that something seems to defy respect?
5. Smile! You fucker! -Nny's t-shirt
6. Think of the sensation as reassurance that you are not dead yet. -Nny
7. Trust me, I know what self-loathing is, but to kill myself? That would put a damper on my search for answers. Not at all productive. -Nny
8. Do you not see how superior I am? Hear me, and evolve. -Wobbly Headed Bob
9. Your pathetic delusion flatters me!! How open you are in exposing your defective and easily misled mind. -Wobbly Headed Bob, on a woman's admittance of love for him
10. The toenail that is your brain is hungry!! -Wobbly Headed Bob
11. If they really had a desire to live, they would've been more aware of how easy it is to die, would've chosen their actions more wisely. -Nny
12. I'm not so nice to look at, but inside...inside I'm...I'm uh... [Dear Die-ary, today I learned that on the inside, I'm pretty fuckin' ugly.] -Nny
13. I can't let you go. We've begun something lovely, and, as with all things that start, it, inevitably, ends! The beginning is always so fine!! But decay soon follows. A degeneration into the tired old situation. The rot sets in. This way, there is only the beauty of the start! -Nny
14. Witty closing remarks have been replaced by massive head trauma and severe hemorrhaging.
15. Agonizing is the pain of knowledge. Acknowledge my genius and make it more bearable. -Wobbly Headed Bob
16. Ooh. I believe in pain by whatever name you wish to disguise it under. So, yesss!! I DO believe in love!! Hear me and wisen, simple man. -Wobbly Headed Bob
17. Who the hell are YOU to tell ME how you really feel?!! -Wobbly Headed Bob
18. I'm going to kill myself. Yes. And I'm taking you with me, you self-appointed beverage dictator!! -Nny
19. Whe world would be so much nicer if people only used guns on themselves. -Nny
20. Any happiness in my life is only a brief prelude to the tiresome descents into levels of hell even a convenience store clerk could never imagine!! -Nny
21. To acheive THIS shot, we first made a plaster mold of the actor's head. We then filled it with cow parts. Then, for realism, we surprised the actor by blowing a hole through his head. -JCV
22. Everybody! Say it with me and wiggle!! Peas! Peas! Peas! Peas! Peas! Peas! Look! David Hasselhoff CAN fly!! -Happy Noodle boy
23. Conspiracy!! And now employing juvenile mongoloid demon babies!! -Happy Noodle Boy
24. Those kids are after me lucky charms!! Must get to my car and escape! Shit! Speed lines are chasing me!! -Happy Noodle Boy
25. Crackers! Crackers! But, no squeezy cheese!! You've broken my secret elbow! -Happy Noodle Boy
26. These hands!! I can't get them off my wrists!! -Happy Noodle Boy
27. The moral; Listen to your navel. (It knows thing).
28. Dear Die-ary. I stared, motionless, before the mirror. As always, I stayed until I'm convinced that there is no glass, nothing, separating me from the room I see on the other side. I imagine that everything is different. Over there. Better. There are people, in that world, who I would like. But, like always, my hand hits that glass. I know that if I'd only waited just one more second... Shit. I'm gonna go kill a party clown. -Nny
Johnny the Homicidal Maniac-#3
1. As genuine as an ugly emotion can be, it inevitably, must pass, or be fed by your need to sustain the little act. There is quite a difference between honestly being under some cloud of nether emotion, and making a personal style out of an appalingly theatrical depression. It's rather like someone screaming in torment about their loose bowel condition, and then, upon recovering from this discomfort proceeds to ingest copious amounts of a wicked laxative to extend the moment. Now, if this was just some personal fetish it would be fine (sort of), but as a means of getting attention it is somewhat bothersome. Currently, I've nothing to be particularly upset about (aside from this recent quadruple amputation matter - though I have learned to type just fine with my belly button.) I tend to be more consumed by the less tangible itches in life, such as the ever-classic questions of mortality, and other such fun (It's such a fine way to make other, more mundane problems seem so trivial.) But people are so eager to tell you THE TRUTH about even the mysteries of this life, that there is no life, that there IS no world after this one, or that they KNOW there IS a place to go to, and it just bothers me. I am afraid of anyone who feels they KNOW anything. Blind certainty is a repellant thing. So I'm happy to just drive up some winding road and look up at whatever's above me - stars, moons...purple horseshoes. But I've gone off on a tangent, haven't I? Anyhow, there's just a time to pull yourself out of the muddy gloom that sucks at your feet and holds you under the delusion that this is the only kind of attention there is to receive. There is a time to just pack your bag full of a deadly arsenal of weapons and just shake off the dismal robe that shrouds you. Well...perhaps YOU shouldn't go about it that way...No, you probably shouldn't. But you'll be seeing somebody who does. Kids, don't do this at home...unless you're not planning on blaming me (in which case, GO TO IT. We need more things like this on the news.)
2. Join my legion of dimness!!
3. Don't expect anything but nasty irritation from anyone you didn't create. -Mr. Fuck
4. You're alive for now! Why waste your existence mimicking the dead!? So enjoy!! Mr. Fuck
5. Keep off! It's impolite to walk on the dead. -sign on Johnny's front lawn
6. Even with headphones, the highly sensitive asshole detecting gland functions.
7. -Look, he's stopping!
-Maybe he's realizing the horrors he's just committed!!!
-No...no, the CD's skipping...wait...wait...okay, there it goes.
-random victims and Nny
8. And so, irritants, it is with this that I leave you. You are spared so that you can think of what it really is to live in a worl that engenders a pain for which there is no comfort. Here is your product! You have the rest of your lives to think of this. And I suggest you think quickly, for a long life is never a guarantee. -Nny
9. Please admit that you are grossly deluded imbeciles. Only then can I help you. -Wobbly Headed Bob
10. There is a genuine contentment residing in my freakishly evolved head! -Wobbly Headed Bob
11. Well, I just don't want you to think that this piece of shit is anything other than a pathetic, human defect. Nothing more. Not a monster, not a bogeyman. Nothing but another reason to feel better about yourself. Understand that it's just a person - not worth devoting any nightmares to. -Nny
12. You flaw. At least I'm under the delusion of doing something productive. -Nny
13. Two species under one name - human - separated only by the workings of their minds. This one is human only in appearance!! A clever disguise for a simple animal. The real humans are harder to find. -Nny
14. Hmm...of course, these are my opinions - likely to be just as flawed as anyone else's. Um, really I guess you should assume everyone's speaking out of some external influence, believe in whatever makes sense to you. -Nny
15. Um, well, you better get going, it's Tuesday, and you know what that means - U.F.O.'s!! -Nny
16. You can hear his mind snapping!!
17. Paid for by the Council for People Who Are Sick of Seeing More People. -commercial
18. You think that the only thing keeping this reality from collapsing is my awareness of it? What do you think? You know, the idea that a thing exists solely to be the anchorpoint for all known things. The old thing about what happens to the world when you close your eyes!! Does the light even exist anymore when the refrigerator door is shut?! -Nny
19. Oh, the horror!! The funky horror!! -Happy Noodle Boy
20. Whoopee, and all that shit!! -Happy Noodle Boy
21. Stop with the mooing you damned chihuahua! -Happy Noodle Boy
22. Have you ever just stared at somebody's head until it exploded?
Johnny the Homicidal Maniac-#4
1. Doing something purely for one's own enjoyment is fine, but, I must admit, finding that others enjoy it as well has a certain power over the corners of my mouth. -JCV
2. You know what goes on in this world. They don't understand, they don't see that long after their laughter subsides, in search of the next cheap thrill, their victims are still hearing their taunts in their heads, a cacophany of degrading noise, poisoning perception. -Nny
3. I suggest you seek some alternate source of sympathy, Nny. You tried to kill that girl. She liked you, and you tried to kill her. That was impolite. -Nailbunny
4. I mean, look at you! You devote more time to fuming over the stupidity of mankind than you do to what you once felt so much for!! Your imagination has been subverted!! -Nailbunny
5. ...it is all too apparent that you don't kill your "guests"...You TORTURE them!!! Drill it into them! Make them forget what comfort is! Death frees them from the education I offer. Let them understand first. THEN they can die. -Nny
6. Stupid people: I would ask you to keep in mind that this should NOT be a source of moral quidance (THAT WOULD BE MOVIES). Put away the knives and never allow yourselves to forget: YOU ARE STUPID. -JCV
7.I've relinquished control of my insanity. -Nny
8. We think we are so great in our protests...but we just become the bitter offspring of what we oppose. We become prisoners in our own cages. We begin to speak in badly constructed melodramatic prose! OH, RAGING HORROR!! Make this stop!! -Nny
9. For those of you that just tuned in, here's a recap: Something is happening.
10. We spend forever building up our defenses, only to have that be what allows us to be controlled!! -Nny
11. ...who would ever suspect that they were no longer the mind behind the other end of their internal conversations. The other voices have become self-aware. -Nailbunny
12. ...I wish...I wish someone would just switch me off and...fix me. -Nny
13. I have only sympathy for your revolting stupidity. -Wobbly Headed Bob
14. Gone the way of my sanity. -Nny's t-shirt
15. Yes, yes, yes. I'm the one that's been killing all those people. But I'm also the creative force behind Happy Noodle Boy, so forgive me and shut up. -Nny
16. See, I don't want to touch anything. I don't want to feel anyone because I don't care about anyone like that, and to tough it is disgusting for all of its emptiness. It only reminds me of the emptiness. -Nny
17. Kiss me!! I'm insane!! -Nny's t-shirt
18. Well, G'night! Don't let the flesh eating demon bed babies bite!!! -Nny
19. Nnng... It felt like such a good thing with him. Have you ever hated someone for making you like them - like them so much...and then wish they would die. -Devi
20. Kids, drugs won't help things. They'll only turn you into a hideous little freak troll-baby with exploding eyeballs.
21. We're told to accept the fact that life goes on, and that nothing is forever, NOTHING. But I don't want to accept this!! I don't want to see it all as just a dead thing BEFORE it dies!! I had something!! I had something beautiful!! The world still spun around in all its arbitrary fury, but I had something to hold tight to! Something beautiful!! And I fucked it up!!! I did exactly what I never wanted to do!! I turned it into something cold and weary!! Now, screaming in fear, I hold tighter and it squirms away, pushing me off!!! And the faster I run to catch it, to hold it, the faster it runs to escape, the more it recoils from my touch. Dreaming of a world that has stopped dreaming of me. Going away, driven by the more desirable idea of new dreams. And I don't seem to be accepting it. And I don't want to accept! I don't want to get used to losing the few things that make me feel!!! I saw the filth, but I had something and the noise in my head, with all its voices, repeats one thing, incessantly, more than anything else - "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Don't let go of me now. Drem of me. Don't let me wake up." But I know that it's only noise. Shit. Something beautiful... -JCV?
22. Join my legion of darkness, my frowny face empire!! -Happy Noodle Boy
23. Accept my heartwarming gift of tree scratchies!!! -Happy Noodle Boy
24. I am the policeman who punches heads!! Now move along you insane freak. -policeman
25. Moo! Moo!! Mooo!!! I'm voodoo cursing you!! -Happy Noodle Boy
Johnny the Homicidal Maniac-#5
1. How lovely it would be to KNOW something. Well, perhaps lovely is the wrong word for indisputable knowledge, but the sensation would, surely be an interesting one to say the least. -JCV
2. I do not adore death as if I were some idiot groupie to the lead singer in a band. I approach it with the mixture of fascination/terror/icy speculation of someone who really knows nothing, I trust, only enough to know that I like myself too much to even consider bringing about my own demise. -JCV
3. Pleasant something, people. -JCV
4. I would insult your intelligence, but what would be the point? -Wobbly Headed Bob
5. -Mr. Bob, we would like to have a speaky-week with you.
-Certainly. But do so at the risk of further exposing your ignorance of proper conversational skills.
-chief guy and Wobbly Headed Bob
6. Traversing this spinning ball of waste, how can one leave a place when all places are the same. This reality is a boorish, omnipresent thing. -Wobbly Headed Bob
7. There is no worse enemy than the one incapable of knowing why they may be wrong. -Wobbly Headed Bob
8. I am laughing at his funny-ness. -random extra
9. But life's brutality is a blind thing, is it not? Ties us up, and we swing around, going nowhere, waiting, in terror of the inevitable blows. -pinata
10. Subliminal message: Jhonen is not your friend.
11. You're not here because that guy is some psychotic, taving, Neo-Nazi NERD!! You're here because you're a small-minded ass-tick!!! -Tess
12. Don't make me break my foot off in your ass!! -Mr. Eff
13. Surely you will tremble in the wake of her trauma.
14. If I paint my turtle black, will it be spooky? -LadyCorpse
15. Still, it is hard to be the real me without these others to acknowledge it. My pain is awesome. -Anne Gwish
16. This dreary world demands that I be idle with my progressive nature. They laugh at my attempt to be different. They laugh at me. Fools. Still trapped in their petty high-school mentality. -Anne Gwish
17. They don't understand me, but they try to be like me. It's so sad. -Anne Gwish
18. The most beloved massive head wound recipient in existence.
19. Nothing behind the...veil?? I'm...system down... -Nny
20. Don't make me try to come up with an original curse!! -Krik
21. Hey kids!! Blood is our friend!!!
22. Ah, swearing - Beloved crutch of the intellectually deviant.
23. Shit...don't you just hate it when you can't feel your legs? ...Then there's that pesky onset of blindness...you're lucky. Death will be quick for you. -Nny
24. Killing someone who's bleeding to death. Fff...fuck, you people...you...how stupid you are. Resorting to the same old, monkey brutality, afraid to look up from your bloody dicks. Afraid of transcendence. Hey...your head looks like a potato. And how stupid was I? I, actually paid attention to you! Devoted precious thought to it. God...I used to love the noises I heard in my head. Hhh...I never should've left my room...my room, out there, I almost remember it. It's gone now...along with everything else...vanishing. Heh...potato. -Nny
25. This isn't pleasant...I'd rather not be dead...Don't want to die...don't...geez...This is worse than goth poetry...Agg... -Nny
26. No more stars...no...clouds...nothing...hsssss...It's such an easy thing to say you hate something...so easy to hate... what a piece of shit I am...I ca...can't believe I went the easy way...I thought I knew...I wish I knew something...anything. Ehhh...Actually...your head looks more like a reject jellybean. -Nny
27. Curb your demon.
28. Aww...he's got that look you get when you've fallen into the void.
29. Go ahead - Push me. -sign on doorbell
30. END of the universe! It's sad, really.
31. Goobers or Raisinets?! Goobers or Raisinets?!! Squeak once for yes!! Who has stolen my cheese!! Answer me, or don't!! -Happy Noodle Boy
32. I am wiggling my leg!! Witness my leg!! Do you not see?! Huh?! -Happy Noodle Boy
33. Suddenly, someone in the crowd shoots Noodle Boy. This does not please him...Furious and vengeful, Happy Noodle Boy does something.
34. Fuck yooz Mister Platypus!! Hey, where's your head mommy?!?!! Must jelly AFTER toasting!! Boop boop be doop!! -Happy Noodle Boy
35. Then, so as to anger American audiences, 10 minutes of french dialogue with subtitles ensue, guaranteeing limited theatrical release.
36. -Je suis un tres grande pomme de terre! (I am a very large potato!)
-Mange pousson avec moi (Eat fish with me)
-Happy Noodle Boy and squirrel
37. Obligatory scene of bland villain exploding, falling off building and imploding himself. Tres original.
38. Pssst, Superdog, c'mere. Bite my head and gives me super powers. -Happy Noodle Boy
39. NIPPLES!! I HAVE NO NIPPLES!!! -Happy Noodle Boy
40. Grief and repent manifest themselves. A spooky pig flies by.
41. Fade out on Noodle Boy whistling the theme to a cheez-wiz commercial. Death is near.
42. Sometimes...you can cry until there is nothing wet in you. You can scream and curse to where your throat rebels and ruptures. You can pray, all you want, to whatever god you think will listen. And, still, it makes NO difference. It goes on, with no sign as to when it wmight release you. And you know that if it ever did relent...It would not be because it cared. -written in blood before everything went black.
Johnny the Homicidal Maniac-#6
1. Letters from "kindred spirits" come in, telling of how they agree with my views and how the world stinks, and of how they wish they could just kill themselves. Well, dispose of yourselves quietly, if you must, so long as you don't leave a note saying I told you to do it, you self-esteem deficient loons. I happen to have a certain fondness for existing - soda wouldn't have that lovely fizzy feeling if you were dead. Think of all the things you would miss; cartoons, music, movies, video games, music, art, fingernail growth, sex...well, perhaps not sex, depending on how weird you mortician is. -JCV
2. I was happier than a chubby little, drooling, criminally insane baby. -JCV
3. I shared a room with a very old-looking gentleman named, Pedro, I think, though he did not strike me as a Pedro. Pedro would moan like the dying, behind his curtain, and under the ocean of medication they had him on - morphine, I think, because his world, in his thin, worn skin, looked like a hell that made my chest feel quite unimpressive. His family would diligently come in everyday, and just watch him stay alive. On my last day there, a nurse came in to tell him about the operation he was to have in a few hours: a feeding tube was to be inserted into his stomach to bypass the tumor blocking any food. He, in his tired, wavering voice, asked her hor long he had to live. I'm so used to hearing that on television, often as a joke, but when ACTUALLY heard him say that, behind my little curtain, I wanted to cry. And the nurse said what's been said so many times to so many people, that we never know when we must go, only that life should be lived while it is had, because ANY day could be the last. A familiar thing for me to hear, but it sounded different that day. It made more sense than it ever did before. I do not want to die just yet, and a world that creates people who claim that THEY want to is a world that I don't want to understand. -JCV
4. Printed by Canadian aliens who, one day, will give us the secret to clearing away little thigh-pimples. -copyright box
5. This is heaven. You can stop praying now. -sign
6. Beware of God. -sign
7. If it was all white, it would hardly be heaven would it? -Administration guy in heaven
8. This is heaven boy. We've better things to occupy our minds with than appearances. -Administration guy in heaven
9. I've been talking to dead rabbits and feeding bloody walls. I've done horrifying things with salad tongs. It's really eaten into my social life. -Nny
10. Please stop breathing. -Johnny's t-shirt
11. Do you have ANY idea what's going on down there?!! Hideous things! People are suffering, and people like...well...ME, heh, are running aroung!! Suicide, genocide!! People are killing MOOSE!! You buy a video game system, and a better one comes out in a month!!! Powdered eggs?!!! Self esteem is so low, girls are buyin wonder bras!!! Do you see!? DO YOU? -Nny
12. I'm aiming for obscene agony, so if it's just mildly unbearable, do say something. -Nny
13. Understand that these people are not catatonic, they can get up and do as they please. In fact, they all have powers. Higly destructive weapons of the mind. But there is no desire to use them - either out of respect or out of fear of retaliation. Here, the futility and stupidity of aggression is understood. -Damned Elize
14. You are so small. -Johnny's t-shirt, before he splodes someone's head
15. That's disguting :) Yay!
16. I've always dreamed of having superpowers!!! This is just too much to resist! I have HEAD-EXPLODY! -Nny
17. Trade secret: If you haven't noticed already, I'm just drawing clouds as a background. It's so easy!!! And fast! I'm so freaking lazy!! You know, I think ALL my backgrounds will be clouds, now!! No matter what! If I'm drawing an underground cave, there'll just be clouds!! Bi-monthly, here I come!!! :)
18. HEY!! I'm BLISSING over here!! -random person in heaven
19. Kids, don't be stupid and try this. This is a trained flying toddler.
20. Angry nun is always comedy.
21. Don't sue me. I'm funny. -JCV, on mentioning Taco Bell
22. I'm criminally insane - I don't know what his reason is for being SO FUCKED UP!! -Nny
23. Gasp! He's regressed back to stupid teen-angst mode!!
24. Listen, single celled members of the audience, whether good or bad, the events I draw and write about are far more interesting than my life could EVER be. That's why I depict these things, because I don't WANT to replay my own dreary little reality. -JCV, in his (TOTALLY UNEXAGGERATED) MEANWHILE...In an autobiographical comic
25. Stand back mortal! I come in peace! Approach me, however, and I shall destroy all that is good in your life!! I desire ICE SUCKY! -JCV in his (TOTALLY UNEXAGGERATED) MEANWHILE...In an autobiographical comic
26. Suck it like you loves it, baby!! -Ice Sucky cup
27. Sir? There seems to be a problem with this ice-sucky machine. Please make my pain end. -JCV in his (TOTALLY UNEXAGGERATED) MEANWHILE...In an autobiographical comic
28. I'll wait. Oh, how I will wait. I will wait until your children are wrinkled and gassy. -JCV in his (TOTALLY UNEXAGGERATED) MEANWHILE...In an autobiographical comic
29. Heyyyy...wait a minute. You're the devil aren't you? -JCV in his (TOTALLY UNEXAGGERATED) MEANWHILE...In an autobiographical comic
30. Damn you and your mighty word probe! -The Devil in the (TOTALLY UNEXAGGERATED) MEANWHILE...In an autobiographical comic
31. You have annoydded the wrong clerk, you skinny freak!!! Now, feel my devil doom-evil!! I give you satanic head-bitey!! -The Devil in the (TOTALLY UNEXAGGERATED) MEANWHILE...In an autobiographical comic
32. A sound effect goes here.
33. You're mean, Mr. Devil. -Nny
34. 'I wonder if you can kill the Devil.' -Nny
35. A Cheron Cosmetic Surgery - because you're ugly :) -sign on a building in hell
36. The damned are constantly trying to build better places, always moving they keep away from these empty parts. There's no point if they aren't being seen. -Satan
37. There is such amusement in seeing the joy in someone when they think they have just gotten smarter. -Satan
38. Message to morons: Plot development!!
39. Know that, for all its troubles, the world is perfect. Flawless in its beauties and turmoils. Violence and nightmares being a natural product of humanity. -Satan
40. ...pure aggression is a rabid thing, eager to breed, and coat everything in itself. -Satan
41. For those dense fucks who grow weary at the absence of sophomoric violence, here is a little boy being attacked by his cuddly gerbil.
42. Have you seen this boy? He is very ugly. -flyer
43. They're just machines. Simple machines, preprogrammed to play their little games, punch their little heads, and fondle their little privates. I can teach them so much. But they do not listen. Oh, how I long for escape. -Wobbly Headed Bob
44. We are from very far away. Even farther than that. We are a peaceloving people. An advanced race with no need for groins. Violence is a thing of the past. Neat, huh? -aliens
45. Deliever me from this stagnant cesspool of mediocrity!! -Wobbly Headed Bob
46. At last! To be amongst minds expansive enough to appreciate me. -Wobbly Headed Bob
47. Hey!! Move it!! Every place I have to be is important!! -elderly lady in hell
48. It's okay! I'm alright! I think my spine has exploded, but I'm fine. -Nny
49. -Oh man! The Devil makes you need money?
-The Devil doesn't MAKE us do anything.
-Nny and a clerk in a store in hell
50. It's okay to hurt the damned!!
51. Shit! This is awful. At least alive there were nice people mixed in with the social maggots. -Nny
52. 'Being propelled by the force of his own awesome grief.'
53. You people!! Shit!! You're all idiots!! I admit to being weak and catering to some minor transgression or two, but this place is sick. But I won't let myself give the issue respect by addressing it any furth...YOU STINK!!!! Focusing on the mundane! Money!! Fashio!! Cream cheese!! You're in Hell and you're too stupid to know it! -Nny
54. I'm so disappointed in you all. -Wobbly Headed Bob
55. A cheerleader! PURE EVIL!! -Nny
56. Hah! No, it won't hurt at all, though some people say it is the most excruciating thing they've ever known. Your hair might fall out. -Satan
57. I detest sleep. I've better things to do. Besides, I find it frightening - to awaken and be unsure of everything you remember about life not being just part of a dream. Waking means I've slept, and sleep dissolves what certainty I have left. -Nny
58. The monkey, he see me, but me don't see da monkey. He punch me in da head!! Head punchin' monkey!! Skeetos drinked my head juice!! Corn!! -Happy noodle Boy
59. I won't leave you!!! You is my bruddah!! BLOOOGH!!! I won't forget you!! I do mighty kung-fu kick for you!!! -Happy Noodle Boy
60. I am like a flying potato!! Bow down!! Or I will unleash my zoinky army of surly crack-babies!! -Happy Noodle Boy
61. I am going to fly into your butt!! Prepare all asses for vicious entry!! -Happy Noodle Boy
62. You ain't no space moose.
63. I do not believe your cow.
64. Full-color black & white!!! Non-poisonous ink!! -t-shirt ad
65. Check out Happy Jack's Happy Noodle boy Page - I won't give you the URL because life is never easy - do a web search. -JCV
66. Until the future happens, goodnight. -JCV
67. BLACK THINGS FOR SALE! -ad
68. This is the Johnny shirt that all your ugly friends are wearing. You are much better looking, so get it and make them see how hideous they are. It's not really edible, you could eat it if you really tried. -ad for Johnny t-shirt
Johnny the Homicidal Maniac-#7
1. I felt the usual confusion upon waking - everything from before my eyes opening feels unreal and utterly questionable. Wasteful sleep, annhilating all certainty, consuming precious consciousness like fire ever-ravenous. Question sleep and all its motives. -Nny
2. Funny thing is, Pinnochio's a real boy now but his wiring's all fucked up. -Nny
3. First on the agenda is to re-awaken the insect, and assume a lovely coldness with ice in place of swirling noise, control awaits!!! I shall now make myself a sandwich. God help the neighbors if they have no cheese. -Nny (Die-ary)
4. Personally, if you ask me (which you haven't lest I go on and on like I do in these pages) there are already too many people walking around oblivious to things about them. Machines with just enough programming to pass of as human, pursuing no passions, driven by so much nothing. You can see it in so many faces, this gaping hole in their minds. You can ask them, "WHAT DO YOU HAVE A PASSION FOR?" "WHAT MOVES YOU?"
they just blink, and continue about their business. -JCV
5. ...the soon to be ruler of the known universe JHONEN VASQUEZ!! Your desire to be conquered bleeds out of you. I know you want it. -JCV
6. Though this book was printed in Canada - it's contents are given birth to in the unfathomable depths of a truly terrifying consciousness. More frightening than Count Chocula, Frankenberry, AND Booberry all put together to form some kind of mighty mega-zord of tooth decay. This book is dedicated to the most unfortunate of kitties. Explody. -copyright info
7. Knock on me. You just TRY it. -sign on the door of Johnny's house
8. Either my hair burned off in hell, or I sleep-shaved it during a really stupid dream. -Nny
9. You might want to leave now, as I find your company to be most repellant. Serves me right for being so damn social I suppose. -Nny
10. -I can't leave!!!
-I could arrange for that to be true. But at the moment your legs are still attached to your body. Take advantage of that now.
-Jimmy and Nny
11. You work with the living canvas, whose ephemeral beauty is realized at that tiny moment at which the life has truly been extinguished from it's shell. -Jimmy
12. You know that feeling you get? The one where you know you're going to projectile vomit out of every orafice? I feel that right now. I want you away. Leave me to my vomit. -Nny
13. For those in the audience who are sight impaired - a knife is flying through the air.
14. Imagine a sculptor being confronted by a stranger, who, as it turns out confesses to revere our sculptor. Imagine the flattery known to anybody who is told they've inspired some noble aspiration in somebody. The student then presents our sculptor with a work fashioned after the sculptor's own style - a likeness of the student himself. It is a monstrosity! A fucking mess. Even worse, is that our artist sees that this piece of shit before him is a more reasonable facsimile of his own work than he'd like to think. You fucking idiot!! Admire me?!! You shit!!! I'm the villain in this fucking story! -Nny
15. Just because we've similar interests does not guarantee you're going to like me! My foot in your ass is a good example of that. My delusionary hell does not agree with yours!! -Nny
16. If you can read this, you are probably not dead yet. - The management. -sign in Johnny's basement
17. I have seen the light, and it is me. -Wobbly Headed Bob
18. For, despite the forgiveable ignorance of youth, you are also, likely, being raised by imbeciles, poorly prepared for parenthood, capable only of perpetuating their genetic flaws. What tragedy it is to be just smart enough to know you are doomed to painful idiocy. -Wobbly Headed Bob
19. It is...unfortunate that many are so ill-prepared to handle the truth, fragile minds will collapse under the weight of it. -Wobbly Headed Bob
20. Why should you care if these people are too stupid to know they should be miserable?!! Let them be!! They're happy, so, please, just leave them alone! -random guy to Wobbly Headed Bob
21. As you may already know, I tried to kill you. I see how that could be construed as a bad thing, but the part that understands that is not the one running things in my little world. -Nny
22. I've excluded happiness as one of those possibilities we seek for ourselves. Oh, I still want it, but that's beside the point. Contentment - they say it's the ultimate, but I can't even wish for that. I don't even want the desire to be content. I can only hope for silence. -Nny
23. I like you immensely, Devi. And to prove it, I shall obliterate all of my affection and interest for you. Just like before, but different. I cannot hurt what I do not acknowledge. I don't know of anyone that I love, or of anyone that loves me, but I give you what I can. I give my nothing. -Nny
24. I know forgiveness is out of the question. I just ask for what we all ask of the people we respect - that the thought of me does not compel you to violent spasms of projectile vomiting. -Nny
25. You know what's worse than hiding from what scares you?! Do you? I'll tell you - it's having good things pass you by because you're too busy cringing in idiot terror, hiding some place where all you can do is dwell on shit!! -Devi
26. There is a disturbing association in your mind, between feeling and weakness. I concur that it does present a vulnerability...but it means openness!! To pleasures! To pains! To grievance and rapture!! What other creatures know such things!!? And you would cast it off like an itchy turtleneck?!! Blasphemy of your species!! Your body screams for input!! -Rev. Meat
27. Kill my stomach if I'm hungry! Shut off my want if I'm lonely! Tear off my genitals if I'm aroused!! Excess!!! So much excess!! It's so much superfluos nonsense, and I want nothing to do with it if I can help it!!! -Nny
28. You were born a feeling creature. There is no unlearning of your nature. Therefore...there is no choice!! -Rev. Meat
29. There is no choice. You're always a slave to something. -Rev. Meat
30. Please, somebody rescue me from this hell of inferiority!! I deserve better than to have to endure the stupidity of those who do not share my interests in music!! -Sanguine
31. Beanies can only hide so much.
32. It's a frightening world to be alone in. -Nny
33. Do you know what it's like to be trapped into a life you never planned on having? -Squee's Dad
34. It must be nice to still have the opportunity to save the cohesion of your pretty mind. The best some people can hope for is to better manage their damage. -Nny
35. In today's episode, our hero is doing something, and then he does something else, and somewhere else, little Billy is being eaten by weasils. Billy's dad, the weasil farmer, is mean. Quit measuring your thing!!
36. End this pathetic deception! I know you're hiding martians in your head!! Gimme them martians! I am going to put butter on them!! -Happy Noodle Boy
37. You have invoked an evil older than man!! Older than croutons!! -Wobbly Headed Bob
38. Hey you! Stop eating grass!! This isn't some kind of grass eating place where you can eat grass!! Hear me!! I am da law!! -policewoman
39. You fucking lunatic!! Stop!! Don't make me shoot your groin!! -policewoman
40. Otan jiyou bi o me detou gozaimasu!! [webmaster's note: If anyone can tell me what that means, there will be warm offerings of tree scratchies in it for you. Thank you.] -Happy Noodle Boy
41. You think, but you're not plywood. -Happy Noodle Boy
42. Dear Die-ary,
The passions that drive us should be the ones we respect and admire. To feel contempt for one's own motivations is a vulgar thing. Too often, it seems, I've succumbed to less-than admirable compulsions driven by this furiously reprehensible machine of mine. So many things inside that I can do without - desires and urges and what not. So extraneous. By the time I write in this book again, I hope to be as cold as the moon that lights this page. -Nny
43. It's a book you can enjoy with the entire family, so long as they're numb to the grotesque.
44. I can tell the book's getting more successful because of the dramatic increase in the "YOU FUCKER! I WROTE TO YOU AND YOU NEVER WROTE BACK YOU SUCK YOUR RESPONSE WAS SO SHORT IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO DEVOTE SHITLOADS OF PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE TO MEEEEE AND ONLY MEEEEE" kind of letters. People, I do enjoy the letters, but REALLY, to most readers I am a book in their hands, not a friend and not an enemy. Not even a person. What matters is the book, not my personal responses to some lunatic's queries. Overall, however, the mail (paper and electronic) has been quite lovely, making me smile like the little girl I wish I was. -JCV
45. Much more will happen, but I am sneaky piggy, so I no tell. -JCV
Disclaimer: All images and characters used and abused within belong to their individual exalted creators, and are reprinted here without permission. Please don't sue me. I'm poor. All scans were created by me, except where otherwise noted. Please ask if you want to use them. The basement is getting kinda full, I don't want to have to put any more thieves down there. All fanart used within belongs to the individual artists, who kick far more arse than you do so don't try anything funny. Much thanks goes to gir.n3.net, from whence most of the Invader Zim pics used in the layout came.
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