ACT NATURALLY
It's tough to keep a secret. Especially one like this. When all you want to do is stand up in the middle of lunch and scream
it at the top of your lungs; yeah, this just might be the kind of thing that you can't hide. Won't stop me from trying, though, as
long as I can. No matter how it hurts, because letting it get out is gonna hurt so much worse.
Hey, they could surprise me. Be all accepting, and happy that I'm happy, grateful that I've finally found something...someone worth loving. Yes. It could happen. It won't, but it could.
An elf can dream, ja?
No, no he can't. Not when those dreams entail such things...gold eyes, strong, wiry body, groping and fevered kisses snatched behind the gym, in the janitor's closet, in a darkened theater, on the roof of a beaten-down boarding house. It's getting so hard to be satisfied with so little... Nein. I was never satisfied. I took what I could get, and it's becoming so much harder...
There he is. Slinking into the gym, flanked by his fellow misfits. Unassuming, unnoticed by everyone but us. Scott pauses in the monologue (it'll be another ten minutes before he realizes I'm not listening) that's been going on since we got here; his glare is physical, if not visible, and I feign my own as I watch Todd, framed in streamers and tainted by colored lights; red, green, blue, they dance over him, turning almost-white skin into some sort of bad trip out of a random seventies movie.
The Brotherhood boys all relax against the gym wall for a moment, surveying the scene. Lance notices Scott, smirks and notices Kitty; he decides she's far more worthy of his attention, and crosses the gym to disappear with her into the crowd. If only Scott would follow... Pietro, never one to stay still for long, does his own disappearing act, last seen dragging some sophomore, not to mention her boyfriend, onto the 'dance floor'. Fred's lost to the world the minute he spies the concessions table.
Not surprising that Todd's the only wallflower this time. He crouches down, hands behind his head, making himself comfortable and watching while seeming not to. The tracks switch to hip-hop, and he bobs his head slightly in time, eyes closed and a small smile crossing his lips.
I smile back; it doesn't matter that he doesn't see. Scott pauses again to give me a funny look. Or, at least, what I assume is a funny look. Sometimes I wonder if he's not the only one who doesn't know. Everybody else must know, I can't believe I've kept this much off my face, managed to still the fidgeting in my hands, the nervous tremor in my voice. I'm not that good an actor. A lousy actor, in fact. Everybody knew when he walked into the room, they must have. It's why Rogue's staring at me, why Jean just flashed me that questioning glance. Everybody sees him taking control of me, and I don't think I can hide it any more. Don't know if I even want to.
Amber and gold suddenly find me from across the floor. A quirked eyebrow, a quickly concealed smirk, a tongue slipping slowly over pale lips. I swallow, hard, and give thanks to the God of Baggy Pants. Todd cocks his head to the side, lets his eyes drift to the exit, and suddenly Scott's asking a question I don't hear and I have to remember how to ask, "What?"
By the time he's repeated himself, twice, and I've finally fumbled out a suitable response, Todd's gone, and I'm finding great difficulty in convincing myself not to follow, to stand here and nod and act like I'm not just a fool for him. Don't let anybody know, they won't understand; how can they when we don't even understand it ourselves? If we can just...not give them anything that they can doubt. No secret smiles. No furtive glances across campus. Just till we get it figured out...
I rattle off some excuse to Scott. He's not listening anyway, just mumbles something and continues to stare at Jean as she and Duncan dance. It's so easy to slip away, only Rogue bothers to stop me with a confused glance from her perch on the wall. I fake a toothy smile (it's become so easy, I've had a great deal of practice) and wave to her before slipping through the door.
The hall on the other side is dark, and quiet. The pounding bass of the current, techno-flavored song is a muffled backdrop, feeling like cotton in my ears. Moonlight floods the floor beneath the few windows at the other end, white as skin. There's no one here. I creep forward, peering around the corners, taking a few steps down each branching hallway. The silence is starting to hurt.
A sudden blow from the side, and I'm slammed against the lockers, shoulder connecting with a harsh metal bang. Something presses against me, hot and firm and eager; before I know it my back's to the lockers, my hands pinned above my head, my lips trapped by his. And oh god, it feels so good, so right, I want to scream 'Everybody, LOOK!' and bring them all in from their partying, and show them something real, and make them see him the way I do.
Instead I moan into his mouth as his unique tongue wraps mine in warmth, his free hand starts to tickle up my side. My hips buck, and I feel his grin against my lips. My hands twitch irritably, unintentionally, clenching as they try to extricate themselves, but he won't let go; as much as I want to touch I can't break free, and I'm not begging for release. All I can do is gasp for breath when he finally relinquishes his hold on my lips, and squirm as his kisses travel lower, tease my neck, my collarbone. His warm tongue ruffles my fur, and I shudder, moisture gathering at the corner of my eye.
"Stop."
He looks up, fear and confusion writ large on his face. His hand doesn't leave my wrists. "What? What's wrong man? Did I do somethin'-"
"What are we doing?"
A nervous smile graces his warm lips, and he tries to play it off while staring at my cheek, where a wet trail has left my fur matted and itching. "Exercisin' our rights as horny teenage boys? What does it look like we're doin'?"
I have to look away from the uncertainty in his eyes. "We can't keep this a secret much longer. Already I can't help believing they can read me like a book."
He frowns, amber eyes darkening to the brown of burlap. "Yeah, well, our little problem doesn't seem to be about to go away, does it?
Unless you want..."
His warm body presses against mine, free arm curling around my waist. I lay my chin on his head, and his hair tickles my nose. "Dawg,
listen. I don't know what I should be doin'...but I'd do it if I could. You know that, right?"
"Just be you." I smile, though I want to scream, because ourselves is the thing we're trying not to be. "Act naturally. Just be casual."
He stirs, finally releasing my arms, which I wrap around him as he does to me. My cheek's wet again, and I bury my face in his shoulder,
wiping it off. "I'm so sick of hiding."
"Yeah..."
"When will it be time?"
I wince at the whine in my voice, but he just holds me tighter, whispers softly, "Soon, yo. Very soon." And I believe him, am almost
able to lose myself in his presence. We stand there for, I don't know how long, just holding on, until the bass is no longer muffled
and the laughter and chatter of the dance heralds the end. And we look up to a slowly closing door, and the open-mouthed figure planted
in front of it.
"Scott?!"
-1/1/04-5:05am-
Our little secret just might be the kind of thing that you can't hide
Act Naturally
Our little problem doesn't seem to be about to go away
Act naturally
Disclaimer: All images and characters used and abused within belong to their
individual exalted creators, and are reprinted here without permission. Please
don't sue me. I'm poor. All scans were created by me, except where otherwise
noted. Please ask if you want to use them. The basement is getting kinda full, I
don't want to have to put any more thieves down there. All fanart used within belongs to
the individual artists, who kick far more arse than you do so don't try anything funny.
Much thanks goes to gir.n3.net, from whence most of the Invader Zim pics used in the layout came. Layout and its elements are copyright (c) Tif T. Ask if you want to use them, though I don't know why
you would. They're only special if you're an HTML-challenged person like myself.
It's growing like a tangled vine and rising like a river in the tide
And everybody knew when you walked into the room
I was just a fool for you
Nothing I could do
And everybody sees you taking control of me
I'm not begging for release
I'm just begging darlin' please, please
(Act naturally)
Don't let our troubles show
Don't let anybody know
(Act naturally)
Till we get it figured out
Don't give them anything that they can doubt
As far as I can tell it's gonna keep on showing more with every day
And everybody look
Yeah, that was all it took
I can't help believing they
Can read me like a book
So hide your feelings tight
Till we figure how to make it right
Don't know what I should but I'd do it if I could
(Act naturally)
Just be beautiful
Just be casual
(Act naturally)
I'll be me before the fall
You be you before this all came down
(Act naturally)
Don't let our troubles show
Don't let anybody know
Till we get it figured out
Don't give them anything that they can doubt
Just be beautiful
Just be casual
I'll be me before the fall
You be you before this all came down
